Author Archives: Jennifer

Waiting for PA

We finally got confirmation from our coordinator that our on-line application went in.  Now we wait for PA (pre-approval).  I have a feeling it will take a little longer than normal. Buzz on the blogs and forums is that the CCCWA has reorganized yet again. Some say they moved and disconnected all phones and computers. So even dossiers that went in 2-3 weeks ago have yet to be logged in. Our coordinator said she expects to get the PA in [...]

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A..D..D..

I am a total mess now.  You’d think it would have gotten better now that we have made our decision but it’s sort of a mish mash now.  What the heck do I do next?  I’m still all jittery.  A mix of sleep deprivation & mental/emotional depletion with a sprinkle of nerve ending reconnection by way of emotional decision completion makes for a little anxiety and much excitement.  A foggy headed emotional hangover is about where I’m at now.  I’m [...]

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Leap of faith

I’ve said it and/or heard it and/or read it countless times in the last week.  International adoption in and of itself requires a leap of faith but special needs international adoption … well, it should be called more like a free fall of faith.  You lose your stomach as soon as you take the leap.  You aren’t sure what’s going to happen until you land.  And the ride down, well, it’s pants pooping terrifying! I don’t think with special needs [...]

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Just deciding…

The long, exhausting wait is over.  I checked my phone about 10x last night.  Parker had to travel today and so of course we stayed up too late (11:30ish) since making a flight is easier to do tired than is showing up and actually having to work!  I slept restlessly until about 3:45 when I just couldn’t take it anymore. I finally got up and walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. I thought about just staying up [...]

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Just waiting

It’s been 11 long days since we met this little girl in photos and on paper.  I finally got a good night’s sleep last night, comforted by knowing the information we’re waiting on wouldn’t be coming in at any moment, so I wouldn’t need to wake up to check my email a few times a night.  t talked with our coordinator yesterday and we are getting an update, hallelujah, but not until the woman at the orphanage who can provide [...]

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Holding my breath

We talked a lot last night after I wrote my last post.  As much as we know this may end with us still searching for baby sister, we’re both still holding out hope that this little girl is her. I am trying to be patient but the suspense and the unknown is killing me!  So I broke down and emailed our coordinator this morning.  I asked if she could at least let me know if she’s heard anything at all [...]

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Maybe she’s not baby sister

I’ve gone from ecstatic to optimistic to hopeful to doubtful to fearful to pessimistic.  We haven’t gotten any updates. Maybe they’re working on them… maybe they’re somewhere being translated… or maybe they aren’t coming at all.  And unfortunately if we don’t get any additional information or the answers to even the simplest of the questions, we won’t be able to take the leap of faith to move forward with the adoption. I’m thankful that every time my emotions spiral out [...]

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We need more time

That about sums it up.  Making a  decision of this magnitude is almost too hard.  If we were pregnant and presented the exact same set of circumstances, we would have no choice.  We would take it all in. Hope for the best.  And deal with whatever happens, when it happened.  But we don’t get that privilege. We have to make a decision. And soon.  We’ve asked our agency for more time, which they were happy to give to us. On [...]

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The weight

has finally been lifted.  We got our medical review file from the doctor just a bit ago.  It’s been a rough day!  I am not one to check my phone but I had it out and visible at all times.  Thankfully I had some distractions. I met a friend for lunch in the city after an endodontist appointment.  Turns out my root canal re-do is alright. Yeah hoo.  So I met my beautifully peeled, botoxed and invisiligned friend for lunch. [...]

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Anxiety, insomnia and indigestion…

Yep, just like being pregnant.  But the good thing is I don’t have a heel in my ribs and a head on my bladder.  So, it could be worse. These two little girls have turned my world upside down.  I made a thousand phone calls and sent two thousand emails yesterday and today trying to get some perspective.  Okay, maybe not in the thousand(s) range but it feels like it.. eating, drinking and dreaming about these girls.  I wish I [...]

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